Thursday, January 22, 2009

Random Ramblings

Today I'm feeling....odd.

As if something big should be happening, or is happening, or will be happening, but I don't know about it.

I think it's mostly just shock.

Shock that since starting a new schedule for the New Year, nothing major has happened to disrupt it.

Of course, the minor mes-ups abound; sleeping in, staying up late, spending too much time on the computer or reading or sewing, unexpected errands....yep, they abound. But all in all, I'm pretty much staying on track.

That feels odd.

Normal.

Like, what is expected.

I'm used to un-normal...the unexpected.

But really, I find it odd to be thinking about everyday things. Things like what I want to bake or sew or read. Shouldn't there be something bigger to occupy my mind?

It hit me yesterday; yes, there should be something bigger to occupy my mind.

Christ.

I've found that recently I have become too consumed with everyday things, and forgotten the important ones. I hadn't realized it because I wasn't guarding against it. Big things, now I expect those to try to conquer my mind....but little things? Naw, that won't happen. ...Right?

I'm supposed to be taking every thought captive to obedience to Christ. That means no day-dreaming about a new recipe when I'm trying to have my devotions, and no planning a new dress when I'm trying to pray. And no practicing a new language in my mind during a time that I usually spend singing to the Lord.

It's strange how life cycles. There are times when, spiritually, we are flying high. Other times we are in the valley. Still other times we seem to be riding a flat plane, not knowing whether we'll go up or down next.

Our emotions cycle, too. For awhile we'll be on a mountaintop, happy with everything, singing through all things. Then we plunge into the well of sadness or depression, and feel as if we're sinking in the mud, or swimming with our wrists tied. And of course, there's also the "level plain" feeling here too.

We're three-dimensional things, so of course our bodies aren't left behind. They get to cycle too. Sometimes we feel great, other times we feel puny. Sometimes we seem to be slim and fit effortlessly, and other times we look at a bowl of ice cream and feel fat. Some days our hair does exactly what we want it to do, and other times it has a mind of its own.

Have you ever sat down and figured out what your circles would look like if you mapped them on a graph? I have. I've wondered what my emotions would look like if I graphed them. Probably something like this:

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Yes Ma'am, I'm pretty reliable. You can rely on me to go up-down, up-down, up-down at about the same rate all year....with one big dip - and soar - just for fun. However, you must look at this in scale. Let's say the above graph is a really zoom shot - a close up of a larger graph.

You see, that's how I feel most of the time; up-down,up-down, up-down about five times in one month. I'm constantly rolling. Not just emotionally, but physically and spiritually too.

I have tendencies to go to extremes, but I'm thankful that they're all of fairly short duration! When I'm in the dumps, I know there is a light above the pit, and it'll show up fairly soon. When I'm feeling tired or otherwise un-energetic, I know that I'll feel fine in a few days. When I feel numb during my devotions, or just can't seem to pray, I know that God will not leave me to flounder all over the place. He won't leave His child in that state. He'll come.

So I have hope.

What about you? Maybe you're one of those people who is nice and steady. You may only have 10 days in the year where you feel sad or depressed. Or maybe it's the other way around.

If you graphed your life, what would it look like? Would you be bouncing even more than me? Would you have nice smooth lines of gradual change? Would you have one long soaring line upward? Would you be going back and forth in a shallow up-and-down pattern between earth and sky, or would you touch both the heavens and the underground in one week?

I suppose this is a rather weird topic. Probably no one but you cares about what your life graph would look life, but if you can figure it out for yourself, it might be comforting.

For example, when you know you're about as far down as you can get, there's nowhere to go but up!

Or when you look back through journals and see that God dealt extra tenderly and kindly with you during times when you were at your lowest, you become overwhelmed with gratefulness, and you appreciate His all-knowing qualities even more.

I think that's what I like best; seeing the ways God will bless me during the dark times. I pray so differently during the extreme high or low times. When I'm already happy and He blesses, it's wonderful. But when I'm sad and He blesses it's overwhelming. That's when I know the graph lines are going to start going up.

This is a rather random post today, but like I said, I'm in shock, so maybe I'm not thinking clearly.

I'm not used to having three weeks without a major bounce. :)

5 comments:

Alethea Jordan said...

Random is right. My "circle" would definitely be a LOT more up and down than yours. I don't think there are keyboard keys that could express it...

Actually, to be honest, spiritually, it's probably been a lot of ups and a few downs lately. God's really been using this time to talk to me. I've grown closer to Him in the last year than I've been in my entire life. Moods, on the other hand, probably straight down(except when riding, of course). =\

Sandra said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on high and lows of human life that we all go through, Amber.

I would say I'm one of those people who can go up down up all in the course of a week, maybe less! :)

I know what you mean, about how when your low God seems to give you more grace and blessings.

I feel like I'm in a slum, spiritually, I've been in it for a few months now!! and I don't know what to do about it, but pray that I get out soon. I feel like my relationship with God has changed somehow, but not for the better. I feel like I'm back-peddling. I just hope I get over and done with it soon.

Thanks for venturing into deep,unknown waters here, Amber. Talking about things that maybe uncomfortable for us because it shows us how little in control we are of the things around us.

Amber said...

Thanks for opening up yourselves, girls. It's helpful to know I'm not the only one.

Anonymous said...

Been there, done that.

A friend once shared with me that although we have our 'down' time, we generally come out a more dependent person on Christ in the long run - and that our next 'down' will be higher than our last 'down'.

Does that make sense? I'm trying to verbalize a graph she drew me!

I have found that one major cause of down times is ...

myself. I think about me. I think about what I'm doing, what I need to do, what I forgot to do, etc.

Stop. No. It's not about me.

It's about CHRIST. What did HE do for me today? Did I come home and share it with my family?

Did I look - ask for - opportunities to publicly speak the name of CHRIST to the world? Believe me, they are there.

'For me to live is Christ.'

But He desires even more for us - to live ABUNDANTLY! (John 10)

Stand fast,
Amy in NY

Amber said...

Thank you, Amy - you're so right!