Wednesday, May 19, 2010 prince will come?

Tonight I was thinking about my (Lord willing) future husband.

That came up in my thoughts because I was thinking about how wonderful it is to see men with character; men who are passionate about serving God, men who care about lost souls, men who are strong in spirit, men who speak truth, men who are kind, men who are courteous, men who are creative, men who are joyful, men who are prayer warriors, men who are hard workers, men who are unselfish, men who are leaders, men who know what their purpose in life is, and men who are devoted and patient. Men like that are....well, one in a thousand. You may find a man who is one of these - or two or three or four of these things - but to find a man with all of these qualities (and many more good ones which I haven't time to mention) is rare indeed.

I was praying while I thought, to be quite honest. It came to my mind, as it has many times, how blessed I would be to have a husband like this. And how impossible it would be to find a man like this, if the task were mine. I blush to admit it, but I even find myself thinking of it as an impossible task for my Heavenly Father, sometimes. Yet I asked the Lord to give me a man like this, since in my saner moments I know He is quite capable of it.

"Find me one like this," indeed! Why, God will not only have to find the man, but make him. Such a godly man does not happen by accident. I would think that the molding of a man of such character would be a much more difficult task (if such words can be applied to God) than merely leading a man and woman together.

I sat there, daydreaming about what it would be like to meet a man who is so in love with God that he is....well, ideal. Always patient. Sure of his mission in life. Humble, yet bold. Kind, yet a leader. Handsome, of course. And able to do just about anything.

It was then I began rebuking myself. "Don't aim for the stars, Amber. Be practical. Remember, you're going to marry a sinner. He's a human, like you. He's a fallen creature. Come on; don't expect perfection! Expect a godly man, yes, but not a perfect one." I've been warned against this so many times. He'd be marrying me, after all; ME! We've gotta have some things, at least, in common. Why would I expect a perfect saint to marry a flawed sinner? Am I expecting him to put up with weakness in my life, while I'm not expecting to have to put up with any flaws in his? That doesn't sound fair at all.

"Okay. So I'll list the things that I'm willing to 'put up with' in a husband. A list of faults that I can 'tolerate.' He can 'be this,' and I'll be okay with it." (Can you believe I was having this conversation with myself?)

I sat there.

And sat there.

And sat there.

With an empty list. I couldn't think of one single "small fault" (I didn't want to call them "sins") that I'd be willing to tolerate in a husband.

Would I be okay with him being a bit impatient? No, that'd be too wearing on the atmosphere of our home.

Would it be fine if he was not a super strong leader? Nah, I need someone to depend on.

How 'bout if he doesn't always give me all the attention I feel I need? Oh no, not that one!

Hmm...What if he's weak in personal discipline? No, no, no. That would be terrible. It would drive me crazy.

What if his prayer life is weak? That wouldn't work at all. Prayer warriors make strong Christians, and I want a strong Christian!

What if he's hit-and-miss with personal devotions and time with the Lord?... Are you kidding? Of course he must be strong in that area!

What if he is lazy? ...Shivers.... Please, no.

Item after item, and not one made it onto my list. There was not a single weakness that I wanted to find in a husband. Of course, I know he'll have weaknesses. That's just life. And I know I will learn to love him anyway, and be a true help meet, suitable for him, and hopefully I'll encourage him in his spiritual life, and he'll do the same for me.

But all this listing made me wonder....

...What weaknesses would he be willing to tolerate in me? What faults would he "be fine with" in his wife?

Uh...none. I'm positive a man looking for a wife is no different than a woman hoping for a husband; they both want as-near-to-perfect-as-possible mates. And why shouldn't they feel that way?

The problem came when I started checking myself against that "perfection list" that I had come up with and, one after another, I started coming up with faults that my husband probably have to put up with in me, unless I improve dramatically between now and the time I marry.

Why don't my own faults bug me as much as the ones he might have? Don't I know that he wants a godly wife, just like I want a godly husband? What am I doing towards that end? Do I spend enough time being concerned about my character, my faults, getting my own self right with God, and forming habits that tend toward godly character?

Probably not.

But I'm not married yet. There's hope. ...But you know what? My family has to live with me here and now. Other people have to deal with my faults here and now.

You know, I think most of us think about that rosy "someday when I'm married" much more than we admit. I know I do. And even though many of us are a little embarrassed to say, when someone interrupts our thinking, that we were daydreaming about our future husbands, families, and homes, there's really nothing wrong with thinking about it. I think that's an instinct God put inside us, as women. It's a perfectly natural thing to do. But the Holy Spirit reminded me tonight that I need to think about both sides of the coin, and I guess the whole point of this post is just a desire to pass that reminder on to you.

You are not going to magically change into a different person someday. What you do with your time now has an awful lot of impact on the kind of wife you're going to be. The books you read, the things you watch, the friends you make, the things you do with your free time; all of these have long-lasting effects. Don't fall into the trap of thinking "well, I'm young, so I can do it and it doesn't matter." Being young doesn't have to equal being immature, wasteful, lazy, or other useless things. In fact, our youth is incredibly valuable. We are charged in the scriptures to remember our Creator in the days of our youth, and to seek Him while we are young.

Let's do that.

Our future husbands will thank us someday.


Alethea Jordan said...

I love that "?" in the title... =P Haha, just teasing. =)

Sarah G. said...

So true, Amber. :)

Thank you for the well-written reminder! I know I most certainly have a long way to go - my future husband will have to bear with a lot. :)

Amber said...

Oh Alethea, what a "you" comment. :)

Sarah, it's always wonderful to remember that "He that began a good work in us WILL be faithful to complete it"! :)

SavedGirl said...

Dear Amber,

That was a very good thought provoking post. Sometimes I think we spend more time correcting the faults of someone we don't know yet than our own faults. Thanks for, as always, making me think. :)


WesternWoodburner said...

So true!

Amanda said...

Good thoughts! It's good to be reminded of these things!!!!