Longing.

I had one of those moments tonight; one of those seconds in time when you see something you knew before, yet never saw or thought deeply about.

I really did know it. So why did the thought come upon me as if I had never thought it before?

Here was the thought: in Heaven, I shall have a personal conversation with Jesus. Many personal conversations with Him. I shall have all eternity to talk with Him.

I've talked about "having a talk with Jesus someday." I look forward with great longing to seeing Him face to face. I ache for the time when this mortal body will be finished, and I'll have eternity to spend in the presence of Jehovah. I can't wait to see my Lord with my very eyes.

But I guess I always thought of Heaven as a bit impersonal. It's gonna be rather crowded you know; people from all the ages filling those golden streets. I knew I would see Christ, in His glorified body, and God the Father on His throne. But, without realizing that I was doing it, I pictured it like one of those rallies or events where an important person is speaking.

You know the type of gathering I mean. The VIP speaks for an hour or so, and all the listeners hang on his every word. Every person their and his brother is longing to talk with the speaker afterward. They line up to by his book and get it autographed. Perhaps to shake his hand.

You buy the book too, but you glance at the long line in front of the book-signing table, and sigh. What's the use? Sure, you could spend 20 minutes in line, but all for a brief moment. You'd be only one more face, one more hand to shake. Perhaps if you wait until the crowd dies down...

The evening is growing late, and the windows black with night by the time the crowd starts to disperse. You have hung around, fidgeting, waiting for him to be done. But now you see others had the same idea. That last man in line at the book-signing table realizes he is last, and takes advantage of that fact. He let others go in front of him so he could be last. Now he wants to talk with this important, wise, famous man. They start up a conversation about serious, big issues. You know they will talk for a long time. Biting your lip, you turn to go, into the cold outdoors, find your colder car, and ride home quietly.

I could picture Heaven, with the crowd. A crowd full of people wanting to see Jesus. Everyone wants to talk with Him, to soak Him up, after waiting for years, and years, and years to be with Him. I could already feel that lonesome feeling in the bottom of my heart; that turning-away-empty-handed feeling. I would never get my turn. I'd spend eternity on the outskirts, like always. Always longing, never getting. Always wishing, never receiving. Always just one more face, one more handshake. Not really too important.

Then it dawned on me tonight. I mean really dawned on me. The thing I knew before but never thought about.

I'm gonna get a personal conversation with Jesus; complete with all the facial expressions, tone of voice, and embraces that I can't receive when He talks to my heart here on earth. I'll get Him all to myself. I've got ETERNITY to "wait my turn" (if there's such a thing as waiting in Heaven). I never have to go home. It doesn't get dark. It doesn't get late. He'll be there. He'll know my name. He'll be just like He is now; warm, personal, my best friend, ...intimate. He is my Beloved now, and He'll be that even more so then. This is no VIP I'm going to see....this is my Bridegroom.

Oh boy....I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!