Thursday, March 12, 2009


Do you know what I wanted to be when I was little?

Well, okay - one of the things I wanted to be? I've dreamed of being a thousand things.

One thing I wanted to be was a nurse - that ended when I saw a picture in an EMT book of a man with his intestines hanging out - and it was only a drawing!

But most of my longings from when I was little have stayed with me - maturing and changing as I've matured and changed, but staying the same basic longings. I guess I was a practical little girl; I didn't have too many dreams that were impossible. They just needed to be tweaked a little bit.

For instance, I dreamed of being a pioneer - but as I got older I realized covered wagons aren't allowed on major highways. So I had to give up the idea of being a second Laura Ingles. But I still dream of owning a piece of land someday, and helping to clear it with my own two hands, and raising all our own food.

I wanted to be a preacher - then I got old enough to understand that God didn't intend women to lead in churches. But I can still proclaim the gospel to people that I meet.

Guess what I dreamed about most?

Being famous.

It didn't really matter why I was famous; being the owner of a gorgeous singing voice, a dramatic young actress, a brilliant authoress, or a horse whisperer... I just wanted to be famous. I pretended that masses came to me, hanging on my every word, wanting to know all about me.

That desire has stayed with me, clinging to me as my sinful flesh does. Some people are afraid of the spotlight; my burden has been to crave it. Some people would do anything to not be so afraid of speaking in public; my besetting sin has been to love it too much.

I've learned, in my short life, that there needs to be balance in everything. A entire sermon could be preached from Philippians 4:5; "Let your moderation be known unto all men..." Knowing my weakness has kept me on the alert to fight it, but I also need to know when to use it. Perhaps God gave that desire to me as a tool to use for His glory.

Oh, not the "being famous" thing; the desire to be famous is entirely pride, and a curse, not a blessing. But the desire to do things well, the drive to throw myself into things...that can be used to accomplish things that God wants me to do. If only my motives are right. usual, I've used up my computer time just beginning the subject on which I intended to write. I didn't intend to sit here and write about dreams being right or wrong - I was going to talk about one in particular that I had - and still have. But that will have to be left for another time. For now, let me encourage you to think about your own dreams.

Do you have dreams? You need dreams. You need that drive. Where there is no vision, the people perish. Don't give up dreams as something childish and unpractical, for they are valuable ways to gain ideas and plans. But do choose your dreams. The world won't tell you this,... but just as you choose whom you love, to an extent you choose what you dream. Don't waste your time dreaming about things that you want to do, but know you must not do, or would be wrong for you to do. Dream the dreams God has for you.

They are bigger than anything you could come up with.

1 comment:

Sandra said...

Thanks so much for your honesty in admitting weak areas of your life Amber. I love that you do this and don't try to pretend that your perfect like other people seem to think about themselves.