Saturday, May 30, 2009

Thoughts

You know, I had a beautiful realization today.

Nothing dramatic. Nothing I didn't "know" before. But it was one of those things that hits you smack in the heart in a way it never has before.

God.

Loves.

Me.

There is so much in my heart that I want to write, but just won't; this is between me and my Heavenly Bridegroom. He is beautiful, and he is wonderful. He is gentle, and forgiving. He doesn't just pardon my offenses and tolerate my existence; He actually pursues me! He wants me with Him. He delights in me.

I know it doesn't make sense, and I don't care.

It used to bother me, ya know. I wanted to rationalize it all out, and make some sort of logic out of it. I wanted to do something - be something - that would merit His love, because then it would make logical sense. Even after becoming a Christian I wanted to do that - not to earn salvation, but just to satisfy my own sense of logic. There had to be a reason for Him to love His child, right?

But a change has slowly come over me. I don't know how long it's been going on, and I don't know when it started. All I know is a noticed it today.

I suddenly realized that I don't care. I love Him because He first loved me, and I'm not gonna worry about where that first love came from. It doesn't have to make sense. Just knowing that it's a fact is enough.

Do you know how freeing this is. Really? Truly? Think about it a minute. It sounds small on the screen, but it's totally life-changing in reality. I guess it just means I realized that God is God and Amber is Amber.

I almost didn't write about this. It's so special. But I want you to think about it, too. Think about this God who made us. Think about this Jesus.

Isn't He good, to love us so? I love Him for it. He is the most wonderful Being ever. He makes my heart flutter. He makes me weep with joy and awe. My pulse quickens when I hear His voice. My heart aches to see His face with my physical eyes. I want His hands to touch mine. I want to see those ugly wounds that are beautiful because they were His own choice. He whispers to my heart, even now, and I'd climb the highest mountain to get nearer to that voice. But I don't have to - 'cause it's not about what I do. He speaks when He pleases, and His timing is always perfect.

O Jesus - I love you so!!!!!

2 comments:

Alethea Jordan said...

Amber, I love you. =) =) =)

Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this!!!!!!!

Please get on AIM sometime Monday or Tuesday!

Sandra said...

Thanks for sharing this, Amber. Sometimes I get so distracted with different things and my heart becomes cold. I always need to hear things like this so that it will hopefully kindle my heart anew with love for God and the realization of how He loves me :)