Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Eyes of Faith

Today I've been pondering the blessed assurance that I will not remain as I am forever.

Sometimes I fear change - most of the time, in fact - but I almost always have wanted myself to change. I want to be better, more loving, less selfish, more Christlike. I long to be less bothered by worry and stress. I want to be carefree, joyful, overflowing with life and love! I can see the picture in my mind's eye, but compared to my actual self.....well, the comparison is discouraging.

This week I have struggled with worry, and hated the fact, even while I was doing it. I realize I should be joyful that I am struggling - struggling means life. If I were to lay down and accept these feelings, now that would prove that I am dead, without the Spirit of life. But to fight - that proves who I am, and Whose I am.

So, truthfully, I'm glad I'm struggling, but I'm also tired. Why can't I be different? Why can't I be joyful all the time? Why must I be so depressing? Why can't I be one of those people who sails through life, rarely thinking deeply about it all, happily skimming the surface, as it were?

These were my thoughts yesterday and this morning. I felt doomed by the personality that I have. I sighed and wished I didn't have to keep myself company for an entire lifetime.

Then came that blessed reminder: God saved me to change me! He promised an abundant life. He commands joy - and He equips when He commands. He is not done with me yet.

I've been amazed, over the last year, to see how my own younger siblings are blooming and blossoming into such wonderful young people. The faults and flaws that were so (blush) annoying to me when they were little have, in many cases, been smoothed and softened by the lessons the Lord has been teaching them. I could almost feel Him nudging me; "See? Don't judge them until I'm done with My work - and I'm not done even yet!"

Today I felt that reminder applied to myself - or rather, I felt myself included in His work; "I'm not done with you yet, child! Do you honest think I would permit My own child to remain in such a sorry state her whole life? The idea! Give it time - I'm working out the flaws in your character, and the more you trust Me, the quicker the work will go. I promised to finish every work I begin, and, child, I started a work in you!"

Praise the Lord!

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