Whay hasn't Amber been posting much lately?

Why?

Well, it's not because I'm busy. I know that's the favorite excuse of blog authors; "I'm so sorry, but I've been SO busy!!!!" I have been busy, but I can always find time to write if I want to. :) :)

No, the reason I haven't written is more complicated.

When I first started this blog my parents were a little unsure about the whole "blog" thing - they know me well enough to know that, while I'm very reserved in person, I most often forget caution while writing, and tell my entire life history and current emotional status to the page.

That's all very well and good when the page is my hidden journal. It's not so advisable, however, when the page happens to be a screen, and anyone around the world can read it.

But (obviously), my parents consented to my having a blog, so long as I exercised caution in writing on it.

That, my dear friends, is why I haven't been posting much lately. Because I couldn't write and exercise caution at the same time. My heart has been so full lately...for several months, which seems to be a lifetime. I feel as if to do a post about cooking, or sewing, or something light-hearted would not be real. It wouldn't be.

I've been terribly busy with such things - and other things, too - but that's not where my mind is dwelling most of the time. And, despite my blog title, I write here what's on my mind, not just what's coming out my fingers and hands.

What do you do when your heart is full and you're not sure where to spill it out? Do you keep it precariously balanced, hoping you won't spill a drop for fear it will ruin whatever it spills on? Do you lose all caution and spill it out to the first acquaintance who asks how you're doing? Do you seek your bosom friends - your closest dear ones?

What do you do if you can't find them? What do you do if you tell them and they don't understand? Or what do you do if they understand but can't do anything about your problems?

Talk to Jesus, of course.

I think that's why we go through rough times. You are close to your dear ones because you've gone through thick and thin with them. Mere acquaintances haven't cried with you. They haven't seen your faults and flops. And we get close to Jesus when we cry in His lap.

I read a verse this morning that I know was written for me. It's from Romans. I don't remember exactly where, and I'm typing this from memory, so forgive me if it's not word-perfect;

"...we rejoice in tribulations, knowing that tribulation worketh patience, and patience experience, and experience hope. And hope maketh us not ashamed, because the love of God is spread abroad in our hearts through the Holy Ghost which is given us."

I really am starting to understand what he means about "rejoicing in tribulation." Can I tell you a secret? There actually have been several times when I've seen trials coming and gotten excited because I thought, "Oh goody!! How is God going to change me through this one?" I couldn't wait to be more like Jesus when emerging from the other side of the valley. Yes, I actually was excited.

And you know what? I was embarrassed by my excitement. I knew very well what was expected of me - I was supposed to dread this trial! (Yes, they were actual trials, and I wasn't blind or naive; I knew they were going to be painful.) I was supposed to struggle and cry and be miserable! I didn't want to.....but I gave it my best effort, for the world's sake. It wouldn't be proper to be happy in such circumstances. If I clasped my hands and smiled, they would look at me as if I were crazy!

This morning's reading freed me. I suddenly realized that the Bible says it's okay to rejoice when you see trouble coming! I know - I should have known that before. I mean, I did know it....but I didn't really internalize it.

Now where was I going with this train of thought? Oh yes - trials.

Well, I guess I'm in the middle of one. Have been, for several months. Some days I feel like rejoicing...but it's as if, since I gave in to "mourning," like I was "supposed" to, it's hard to work back out of the pit. But in my heart that verse still rings true....I know without doubt that trials teach patience...and patience gives experience. ....And experience teaches me HOPE. ...And somewhere mixed up in that hope will be joy. :) :)

Isn't that lovely? How does God know so much about real life? Oh, what a silly question.

Forgive me for not posting oftener. I've had very "fruitful hands" lately; many projects...so maybe there will be an actual interesting post here in a few days. I'm not making any promises, but we'll see. :)

In the meantime, hello to all you dear friends, and may you have a blessed Lord's Day tomorrow!

Teaching is in my blood!

It must be. 'Cause I love it.

Yesterday, I started the school schedule with my younger siblings. This year, I've been allowed/promoted/asked/requested/permitted to take over an entire subject! The fact that I love the subject may have something to do with my eagerness.

History.

I'm teaching it Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. Under Mom's instructions, I'm using a unit-study style approach, to incorporate in all three of my youngest siblings. For this month, we're studying the Pioneers.

Time lines, tracking skills, map-making, the Pony Express, famous traders, trappers, and other pioneers, clothing styles, horse breeds, the Lewis and Clark expedition, Indian tribes of the Great Plains ... you name it. So many subcategories! So much we could study. We also have planned a library outing on Friday, where I'll drill my siblings in their research skills as they decided what subcategories they want to dive into.

Every day after lunch, we gather around the table and spread out the art supplies. Justin, Tiffany, and Lezley are all creating "Lap Books" - manila folders filled with fold-outs, pockets, maps, and other creations to help cement into their minds what they are learning.

Of course, teaching isn't all a bed of roses. There are some thorns in there under the red petals. Siblings aren't always eager to learn. And they don't always feel like being creative and studious.

And I don't always feel properly prepared to teach. Lesson planning takes time. I'm still learning to plan ahead. I'm also learning that creating your own curriculum means a LOT of research and reading. I'm glad we're going to the library on Friday.

But all in all, I'm glad for this experience. I've taught before, but never have I had the lesson planning for a whole year relying a great deal on me. The challenge stimulates me...and also intimidates me ... a little.

I'm sure I'll learn a lot about what not to do. It's good I can learn how to teach long-term while having an experienced teacher like Mom at my side, instead of making all those mistakes by myself some day.

After all: I cook, bake, do laundry, garden, clean, sew, organize, schedule, and do all sorts of things here, to prepare myself for running a house some day. (Besides, they come in mighty handy right now!) My logic in doing such things - besides the fact that they help my family - is that I want to practice, and get as many mistakes out of the way as possible right now, while it doesn't matter so much.

If I burn a supper (not that it happens very often!), Mom is around to whip up a substitute in a matter of a few professional minutes. If I break the toilet while trying to clean it, Dad is around to fix things. If I sew a skirt that doesn't fit, my sister is always around to borrow from. :)

So I'm free to experiment with life more. Ah, the freedom of living under my father's roof!

...And the joys of teaching, with Mom by my side!

I'm so thankful I have younger siblings to "practice" on - and that Mom is letting me practice. I realize that not every girl has that advantage.

I apologize if I've sounded boring and scatter-brained in this post. I have plans rolling around in my mind. That's one thing I still haven't learned; how to multitask well. (The word "well" being the key word.)

Any suggestions? I'm off to accomplish more from the "To Do" list!

...One thing at a time, of course.